Intrepid ZOO reporter Brooke Evers interviews the Cuban crunk rapper about doing it doggy style, smoking weed with Cypress Hill and punching out fans...
How’s it going, Pitbull?
I’m very well, mami. And thank you for inviting me to ZOO because I am all about beautiful women who are exotic animals. Like you.
Rrright... so you keep a menagerie of babes back home in Miami, Florida?
A menagerie? I don’t know what that means, but I appreciate the question.
Umm, okay. Pitbulls are banned in Australia — did you have trouble getting through Customs?
Yeah, it was pretty tough, but y’know, they’re also banned in Miami so I’m the only legal pitbull allowed. So I brought my papers out with me, and I had my rabies shots, too.
It’s not the first time someone has smuggled Cubans into Australia.
No need to smuggle. We can swim here, mami. And you can forget about those great whites — we Cubans eat those.
So you do bite, then?
Yeah, I bite. I bite you, mami!
No thanks. Have you ever mauled anyone?
Moles? Yeah, I gotta a couple of moles I can show you… [starts unbuttoning shirt to show skin blemishes]
I said “maul” not “mole”... oh, never mind. Given pitbulls are a restricted breed, are there any restrictions for people wanting to breed with you?
No, but I gotta be real careful about all the women who wanna breed with me!
I’m guessing you prefer doggy-style?
Hey, I’m into that. It’s always the last position of the night, so it’s fun, y’know. And it’s funny, one of my favourite albums ever is Doggystyle by Snoop Dogg – I tell you, mami, it all works out. It’s like the Law of Attraction: you put itout there and it comes together.
You recently appeared on WWE Raw for Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s birthday. Were you uncomfortable being surrounded by large, waxed, sweaty men in spandex?
Nah, I wasn’t uncomfortable at all. I think I hold my own no matter where I’m at. Also, one of the high schools I went to was very historic for having one of the biggest roiders ever — José Canseco — so there were a lot of guys big like that at school and that shit don’t intimidate me. We called them “powder puff”, y’know.
Really? You really called José Canseco “powder puff”?
Yeah. ’Cos no matter how big they look, they really don’t hit that hard, so it’s like a puff of powder. I mean they threw desks and shit across the room for no reason, but I’m like, “Whatever...”
The City of Miami recently awarded you the key to the city. What exactly does it open? Bank vaults? Parking meters?
To be honest, it don’t open shit. But I really appreciated it, ’cos being Cuban and getting the key to the city and for once it isn’t a key of cocaine, that’s impressive!
You’re the celeb ambassador for big brands like Kodak, Dr Pepper and Voli Vodka. Do you get a lifetime supply?
I do, but what I like to do is give it away to people who’ll enjoy it ’cos I’m off around the world, runnin’ and gunnin’. So a lotta people enjoy Dr Pepper, Kodak cameras, Voli, Bud Lite and Sheets on my account.
Sheets? You spruik bedding and manchester? Er, not very hip-hop…
No, they’re like vitamin-B energy strips that me and LeBron James represent. You stick ’em on your tongue. And sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I take a big Sheet. A shave, a shower and a… Sheet, geddit? Boom!
There’s footage of you punching some fan out after he threw money onstage and then into your face. Did he mistake you for a jukebox?
He was... very confused. And I warned that guy. Three times! Lucky the punch I threw weren’t no powder puff.
Did you keep the money?
Nah, I kicked it to the fans. But it was an unfortunate situation, ’cos I ain’t about violence in any way, shape or form.
So you’re a lover not a fighter?
No, I’m a lover who likes to fight while he’s lovin’. That is a lotta fun.
Umm… scary! Do you have any beefs with other rappers? Is there anyone you want to trash-talk now?
Nah, I don’t do that. In my neighbourhood, we had a saying: “Don’t talk about it. Be about it.” I’m happy for anyone out there who’s managed to convert their negatives to positives through music, so I’ll never be
a part of the “crabs in a bucket” effect.
The what? You have crabs?
No. Y’know — one’s tryin’ to get out, while the others pullin’ him back down. So when I see that, it’s very sad to me, mami. Hip-hop ain’t about that. That fighting is less real than the WWF.
Given you’re from Miami, do you have a Dexter-related anecdote?
The guy who kills a lotta people? Nah, there’s always been killin’ where I grew up, so I’m immune to that shit. I don’t need no antidote.
No, I said “anecdote”… ah, forget it. You once did a track with Cypress Hill. Exactly how much weed was smoked during the recording?
Oh, good question! I really don’t know but a lot! Every time I was walkin’ past their trailer, I was like, “Oh man, what the hell are they smokin’ in there!”
You’re touring with Enrique Iglesias. Now, his dad, Julio, was a famous swordsman who slept with over 2000 women a year during the ’80s. Has Enrique passed on any tips?
Nah, Enrique is like the opposite of his father. More chilled… plus he has this hot Russian girlfriend [Anna Kournikova].
Explain Auto-Tune. You have heaps of cameos and collabs on your tracks, and, without fail, these singers — all really good natural vocalists — get produced with this glassy, Auto-Tuned sheen. Why ruin their voices?
I think when you find a sound that people are attracted to, yeah, you’re gonna keep using it. But I’ve been using Auto-Tune my whole life — y’know as a kid, sitting in front of a fan, going, “Ahhhh…”. Ha ha! So whenever I see T-Pain, I’m like, “Hey Pain, where’s your fan at? Ahhh, ahhh!”
If you weren’t Pitbull the crunk rapper, would you rather be a pit boss in a casino, a baseball pitcher or an expert on pituitary glands?
A pit boss. Like Robert De Niro in Casino.
Do you get weird groupies?
Yeah. A woman tried to communicate with me by throwing up her pad onstage — and I don’t mean no writing pad — with her email and number written on it.
Yuck! Did she write it in red pen?
No, thank God. It was real innovative, but c’mon, did she really think I was gonna contact her after that?
Planet Pit is out now